And where the hell are we?

Pardon me (cover your eyes if you will be offended, understand my complete frustration)...

But What The Fuck! This is the THIRD TORNADO WARNING yes warning we have had here tonight, and it's now 4:40am.

We're in the hotel. I turn on the local news to see what the fuck... And I'm like??? Where the fuck are we on that map? I don't know where those locations are, those neighborhoods. We just pulled into town mere hours ago. Dammit.

This has been a lovely move. Lovely. And hey, good luck to us for the rest of the night.

Third tornado warning...

We are in our hotel in North Carolina, now. Settled in. Turned in our car trailer to U-Haul (we towed our Jetta behind our Sierra). And I'm so tired I honestly think I've lost some brain cells.

Now for step two: Find a new home. In 10 days.

Oh brother...

And hey, great weather, tropical storm Andrea.

The long drive has reached the inevitable point it must come to with children: the incessant knock knock jokes... that aren't funny.

I will give you a short live joke dialogue, between Ava (7) and Isaiah (4).

Knock knock. Who's there? Mommy. Mommy who? Who's your mommy!!

Knock knock. Who's there? Cupcake. Cupcake who? Nothing.

Knock knock. Who's there? Rude. Rude who? You.

Knock knock. Who's there? Apple. Apple who? Apple cheesy, apple boys.

Knock knock. Who's there? Home. Home who? Poopyface.

...

In the car with kids.

While driving through Louisiana yesterday, we stopped for gas. Being in LSU territory, I didn't really think much about the name of this gas station/truck stop - I just thought it was a name. Not that a literal tiger would be living at this gas station on the side of this Louisiana interstate. We drove past his cage. I didn't have the heart to look for him, as he must have been inside his wooden enclosure in the heat of the Louisiana afternoon sun.
My feelings, my instincts, were reviled at this. My kids asked to go see the tiger, I would not let them. How could I, when the very air felt wrong to me? Everywhere, there were, "Save our tiger" petitions. Because state wildlife conservation groups have evidently been working on taking the tiger away.
It made me nauseated. It felt wrong. I'm still bothered by it, a day later. I googled the truck stop, even on the road again right now.
http://www.tigertruckstop.com/
And because I'm on the road and can't embed well etc, you can click the link. Tell me what you think?

Does Tony the tiger need to be rescued from the truck stop? Or is it a harmless interstate landmark and family pet?

Number one, you should know before we begin that Josh made me a huge effing alcoholic drink that I drank. All of. Therefore, I'm officially B.U.I. Blogging Under the Influence. Here are my confessions and things I need to say.

HAPPY NAUGHTY BIRTHDAY, JOHNNY! I should tag you so you see this, since I'm pretty sure you read via subs, sneaky boy. @amateurprose

Hey, I committed a crime tonight. I stole a dvd from Walmart. It was on accident, and isn't even a good fucking dvd. It is entirely in Spanish. Note: I speak English, not Spanish. Bad steal! And it was an accident. It was between two storage bins, which we never separated until we got home. Oops.

Also, have you ever felt like the less attractive partner in a relationship? It's a complex feeling. A mix of pride, like, hey, I got that! And, oh shit, eventually he'll realize I'm not at his attractiveness level. Shit.

Did I mention I've been drinking? Hard? Like a pirate? Rum? You would, too, given my gd circumstances.

Life is falling apart. Ignore it. Keep walking. Eventually, you will pass the Swamps of Sadness.

I'm so upset about it. Seriously. I feel sick. I'm very emotional over this, and I don't like either "door." This sucks. It sucks! I... Man. I don't even... I'm upset. My hands are even shaking. Great. Heartbroken. Really. :'(

I've given myself, and my kids, as normal a morning as possible. But now it's crunch time again. I'm drinking my first cup of cinnamon latte (gosh, I love this machine!) and hoping it will help me through the day. I've never had more than one cup, ever, and I wonder if I'll be resorting to multiples today. My to-do list is 11 entries long right now and I'm not even sure I can finish what's there.

So, cheers, coffee. Please, just for one day, live up to your reputation. This girl needs help.